I almost called off my wedding. Seriously, I was very ready to just not have the big wedding and let signing the marriage license be it. It wasn’t because I hadn’t dreamed of my wedding day since I was four…because I had. It wasn’t because I had not had time to look through every bridal magazine or create multiple inspiration boards on Pinterest…because I had. It wasn’t because I wasn’t in love with my fiancé…because I sure as heck was not letting him get away. I almost called off my wedding because I could not find a wedding dress.
It was the most emotional part of planning my wedding. Here the man I had wanted to marry for years has put a beautiful rock on the right finger and asked to join my life with his forever… I am finally allowed to talk about the wedding I have secretly been planning for like three years at the point…and I am so incredibly sad.
See the thing is…if you haven’t noticed…I am plus size. My weight has been an issue for me since I was a teenager. Most days it is not much of an issue for me because I am fairly confident in myself, but when it comes to buying clothes I am acutely aware that I am not the norm. Most women get married though so you never think that there will not be wedding dresses to fit and flatter you. Let me tell you…it was a nightmare. I went to five stores in the upstate and others in neighboring states. I would go into these beautiful bridal boutiques and just like boutiques that carry normal clothes…they didn’t cater to women my size. I went to stores that I called ahead and confirmed carried plus sizes. I would walk in excited to see a sad rack with ten dresses that were all sleeveless and mermaid. *Mermaid and sleeveless is like the worst for me and many women like me. Did the dress designers hate large women? Most days I think yes. I think the worst one was when Natraj (the always helpful and loving man that he is) took me to Asheville NC to find a dress. That day I left the store and cried. I was ready to give up. I couldn’t get married and not have a dress. It brought up a lot of my insecurities about myself and I was embarrassed. At that point I was considering having a dress made or piecing a skirt and top together.
My dream dress had a number of characteristics. I didn’t think I would find my dream dress but if my dream came to life it would be this way.
1. It needed to be ivory. I think ivory is very romantic.
2. It would need to have sleeves. I hate my arms so I wanted to cover them for all the many photos that would be taken. Also, my wedding was in January. The Cardigan Queen couldn’t wear a cardigan in her ceremony (although I did consider it).
3. Lace! I LOVE lace so much.
4. A big chiffon or tulle skirt. I wanted a big skirt that made me feel like a Disney princess.
5. It had to be flattering on me. Of course!
After that day in Asheville, I just lost hope that my dream would ever come true. I had not wanted to go to David’s Bridal because I had gone before and had not found any luck finding a dress. I decided to try David’s Bridal again because at least they had a large plus size selection.
I walked into David’s Bridal by myself (I did not want to be embarrassed in front of someone again) and as I walked in the door there on the mannequin was my dream dress!!!! I freaked out and almost lost my breath. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I went to the saleslady and said, “you probably don’t…but do you carry THAT dress in plus size?” The woman looked at me and smiled and said, “yes we do.” I made an appointment to come back and called my mom, sisters, and bridesmaids. We came back and I tried on a couple other dresses that my saleslady asked me to try on… but they weren’t The Dress. Then the last dress they brought in was the one I had seen that day. As my mom helped get me into the dress I became more and more excited. I walked out of the dressing room to show the dress to my bridesmaids, sisters, soon to be mother in-law, and soon to be sister in-law, they all reacted just the way I had hoped. I started crying because when you know you know. I had found my dream dress and it was everything I had hoped for! Although it was more than I had wanted to spend on my dress, my sweet parents bought it for me. My sweet mother knew how hard it had been for me to find my dream dress and like always, she makes my dreams come to life.
I wish more designers made dresses with larger women in mind. We deserve to feel beautiful on our wedding days just like everyone else. I am so glad that I was able to find a dress that felt like it was made with me in mind and was everything I wanted!